A little rant… please move along!

I am really upset today because I felt today the world just wanted to point it’s finger at me and laugh in my face! My parents are still nagging me about crap ranging from school to getting ready for XC. Apparently my best is not good for them and they want everything I do to be “perfect”. Typical Asians. I had a “complicated” long distance relationship… That turned out fine (sarcasm). I was stupid enough to believe this person with their “I love you”, cute little text messages, long hour phone calls, and I would video chat with this person for at least once a week. Well it just took about four months before this relationship ended or was it really a relationship? According to my ex cheating is not really cheating if you guys don’t live near each other. Well not only did his little honest announcement made me feel less happy with myself but thanks to him my little esteem had just sank a bit lower. Of course I always tell myself that I’m being so melodramatic and that I need to relax before jumping into something. Of course it’s easier said than done… I’m way too sensitive and emotional, and I love to hide it with little smiles or some else. I go to some Buddhist youth group, and… I doubt those people care for me. They don’t really because if they did we would be talking online or something but they’re all *talk talk talk* on Sundays then afterwards we never talk. Maybe I’m expecting too much and I should stop acting like I’m on my man period or something?! I’ve done nothing all day and tomorrow I’m going to be studying my ass off. Just when my crush notices me… I end out up finding out that he is in another lovely dovey male x male relationship. Whatever life goes on right? Love just wants stab me multiple times to the point where I feel numb and the thought about being lonely just keeps popping up in your head. My friend told me to stay strong and the person might show up. Yeah. My love life sucks if I should even call it that! One person was stuck way too deep in the closet that they just hid our relationship and dated another female without telling me, one person was just experimenting but felt he was not ready for a relationship, one person moved away once we sort of went out, one personI met off some site and it lasted a day (note to self: don’t take someone you don’t know), one person I dated who wanted to speed up the relationship and I felt like he wanted to get married or something… meeting his parents was extremely awkward but this person is now a close friend, one person was not ready for a relationship, and the current ex just cheated off me but I knew him since the beginning of the school year. All these relationships I e hidden and I made sure to keep it hidden on FB and I would store the messages we sent through email or FB some where secret or I deleted them. Sometimes I feel really ugly like that’s the reason why someone breaks up with me… or that’s why I haven’t had anyone like me but though I was cute or like a younger brother. Blah WHAT has my life come to?